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Singledom Sadness

By Elise Kennedy

Being single at the best of times can be fun.

Dressing up for dates, flirting in a club, laughing with your friends at each other’s Tinder horror stories. But, like most things, COVID has ruined singledom as well.

I’m not saying that I loved every moment of being single in pre-lockdown times. I definitely didn’t.

I still got lonely from time to time, cried over the boys that ghosted me, and would often scream “men ain’t shit” with my flatmate’s every time one of us had a mild male-centric issue. This would be closely followed by us drowning our sorrows in Echo Falls and watching a trashy chick flick.

It's not even the fact that I want a relationship (I mean sometimes I do crave it, but I think that's normal). It’s the fact that the fun parts of being single aren’t happening right now, and I miss it.

I miss the excitement of getting a Bumble message asking if I want to grab a drink.

The giddiness of ransacking my wardrobe with my friends trying to find the perfect outfit.

The nerves right before you meet someone.

The fear that they’re not going to show up.

The awkward introductions.

The happiness when the conversation is going great.

The butterflies as you wonder if they’re going to kiss you goodbye.

The thrill when (or if) you get the “want to see you again” text.

I miss seeing a cute boy in a club, and dragging my friends to dance next to them in hopes they notice me.

I miss drunk kisses on the dance floor.

I miss it all, and what’s wrong with that?

Speaking about this recently, I sometimes feel that my feelings of loving single life are often shamed.

I’ve been single for three years and as soon as I say I’ve been single for that long I either get comments about being a commitment-phobe or get slut shamed like Samantha in Sex in the City.

Either way-I’m over it.

What's the shame in being single and loving it?

When I say I miss dating to friends who are in relationships they automatically assume I miss sex and respond with “sex isn’t everything”.

Regardless of the fact that single life doesn't have to be defined by constant sexual relationships with other people, what's the big deal if it is?

I'll be honest, sometimes a vibrator just doesn’t cut it!

I’ve been told that I should be content with my own company and friends, that dating isn’t the end all and be all of things. And yet, all of this has been said to me by people in relationships.

They are the ones who come with the jibes about me 'finding the one eventually'.

If I had a pound for every time I was told “you’ll find someone, someday” I could buy myself the most expensive vibrator from Love Honey, and yet I'd still want to go out and enjoy dating life.

I know people in relationships haven’t had a great year during covid. Many of my friends have had to do long distance for the first time, have broken up or have struggled without having their partner around as much. I do sympathise with them, it can’t be easy not being allowed to see each other. It must suck not being able to spend time with someone you love.

However, when it comes to single people- well we’re just meant to deal with it. Remember, "you're so lucky to be single right now".

Yes, I have had my share of dating nightmares, from getting ghosted or catfished and being stood up. It isn’t always fun, but the pros outweigh the cons… most of the time.

I have had great dates that started in McDonalds and that ended with me getting ghosted on Valentine’s Day. I’ve had awful ones I’ve had my friends get me out of.

But what’s wrong with missing the dating experience and the excitement of seeing where things might go? It doesn’t make me desperate or unsatisfied with my life. It simply means I'm enjoying where i'm at and exploring the possibilities of meeting someone that I enjoy spending time with.

Admitting that you feel sad about being single right now, or any other time, shouldn't be seen as shameful.

Me and my single friends have sent countless messages over the past year about what we’ve missed about dating. Some miss the chase, others miss the company. Some miss sex, some miss the lazy mornings.

I miss dating. The good, the bad and the weird ones. And I can’t wait till I can go on them again.


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