By Bethany Roth
Now, don’t be alarmed. I’m not about to reveal the secret to extinguishing the fuckboy-race (unfortunately, society has not progressed that far). I have, however, developed a trick to ensure that when we inevitably fall into their trap, we have the confidence to combat their fuckery:
Become just as sexually entitled as them.
Let me first set the scene. A young, recently single woman searching for sexual satisfaction amid a pandemic finds her conquest in a Zoom seminar. A few Snapchats later, and he’s on his way to fulfil his promise of providing the goods.
He comes unprepared – not a condom or a negative STI test result in sight. Anyone would think he didn’t intend to have sex that night. And yet, by midnight, he’s gained two orgasms and a bed to sleep in, while she is left orgasm-less.
Immediately, we are already considering the sheer audacity of this man; to barge into your home, shove his cock down your throat and leave your decorative cushions across the floor!
It escalates. He ghosts her for three days, and ignores any messages she sends him until he posts on our student Facebook group:
‘Any girls fancy a grafting?x’
This, she decides, is the perfect time to enact her revenge. To over fifty thousand members, she comments:
‘psa he won’t make you cum’
More than 200 likes roll in overnight. She receives a paragraph-long apology, and he grovels for forgiveness. And, most importantly, all of Manchester knows that he is unable to bring a girl to orgasm. Justice is served.
Why Are Men So Entitled?
Why do they think that they can just swing on over, have disappointing sex, and leave without a word, and still act like they’re God’s gift to womenkind?
This is a man who didn’t even put in the effort to bring protection, bring her to orgasm, or ask if she had any preferences. He came equipped only with his cock and a (slightly) higher-than-average stamina and thought that that was acceptable.
Clearly, the entitlement of fuck boys is ruining our sex lives. How have we internalised misogyny to the extent that they can push our heads down until we’re gagging, but we can’t even ask them to stimulate us?
This is only emphasised by the ever-growing orgasm gap. While 95% of heterosexual men nearly or always have an orgasm when they have sex, only 65% of straight women do (The Hotbed Collective, More Orgasms Please, p.34). Our lack of sexual confidence is stopping us from receiving the orgasms that we deserve. If we don’t demand, we clearly won’t get.
Ask For What You Want
The term fuck boy almost reduces the sheer audacity of these men – we need to start telling it how it is. If a guy comes over with no condoms, expects you to give him a blowjob, and then shags you until he reaches orgasm and falls asleep, he needs his ego reevaluating.
Why is male-receiving oral sex expected, but female-receiving oral sex embarrassing? Why does the male orgasm signal the end of sex, while the female orgasm isn’t even considered? Why is male satisfaction always prioritised?
Apart from refusing to give a man an orgasm for the rest of our lives (which might be a bit inconvenient if we want children), there’s not much we, as individuals, can do to close the ever-growing orgasm gap. However, the most important – and effective! - thing we need to learn is to ask for what we want! Casual sex is selfish by definition, and if he’s entitled to an orgasm, you should be too.
Refocus your sex life around the female orgasm – read books (More Orgasms Please by The Hotbed Collective is a great starting point!), watch feminist porn, masturbate. Figure out what you like and then ask for it. There’s no shame!
The best way to play a fuck boy? Instead of an orgasm, give him something he doesn’t expect and make yourself come.